CamranChaos!

LISTEN: An Open Letter to President Briggs, Provost Whatley, and Dean Heida:

Friday the Thirteenth

Colleagues,

I have been debating with myself about the desirability of attending Tuesday’s meeting. I can’t imagine that anything constructive will come of it. As I see it, the two most likely scenarios are, 1) the faculty will “vent” (been there, done that) or, 2) the…

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berrylisten:

we are listen. we are berry college students. we are members of the LGBT community. we are LGBT allies.

but we cannot have our own official organization on campus, even after 13 years of existence.

we do not have the right to receive funding.

we are the underdogs and we need your help.

join us in our fight to be officially recognized by Berry College so that we can begin to create a better, more equal Berry for ourselves and future students.

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thedailywhat:

United States Of Middle Earth of the Day: A map of the contiguous United States, drawn in the style of Lord of the Rings. (Embiggen.)

Before you point them out, the artist is aware that there are “many inconsistencies” in the map. ”Most of the time I just finished inking something in then immediately realized my mistake,” he explains. “Many curses were said.”

[reddit.]

One does not simply walk into Dixie.

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everythingkid asked: As you approach the elderly rapscallions, they pay no mind to your demands to stop preying on the weak and nerdy. You approach Blanche and gently tap on her shoulder. Blanche proceeds to BITCH SLAP YOUR TITTIES OFF! As you fall to the ground, Rose says something hilarious, but you are too post-bitch slap to hear it. As you lay there, the four senile assailants circle you and begin to chant. You black out. You awake in a chocolate prison. Trapped in a Wonder Ball. Forever. The End.

This has been “Chris and Camran Storytime”. I hope you all enjoyed it.

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everythingkid asked: You sigh as you see BJU laid out before you, the lamest college in America since ever. You pause and search your pockets. You were surprised to find your phone and wallet missing. Who would have thought that a giant, magical pig would be drawn to petty mugging? Disappointing. You decide to find a phone. As you walk, you stumble upon a group of bullies picking on a small, nerdy kid. You feel as though you recognize the bullies. You look closer and confirm your suspicion. Who are the bullies?

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thedailywhat:

Faux Movie Poster of the Day: French art director Pascal Witaszek psyches the Internet with a massive tease of a teaser poster for a not-quite-real Walt Disney biopic starring Hollywood “It” guy Ryan Gosling.

[fuckyeahmcgosling.]

But…please?

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everythingkid asked: The giant pig lowers slowly to the ground. You are astonished! In a panic, you throw your loose shoe at the beast. It is absorbed into the gilded pork god. Suddenly, three magical fairy children spawn from the creature and begin to circle it. The pig speaks. "I am the God of Terrible Pop Music. You have broken the first commandment and made terrible pop music enjoyable. Thus, you shall be punished. I will now transport you to the worst place in the entire world." POOF! Where are you now?

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everythingkid asked: Stevie smiles at your request and begins immediately producing the sweetest, most majestic rendition of Hit Me Baby One More Time you have ever heard. Tears stream down your face as Stevie release C dim7 after G 7 sharp 5 flat 9. You begin to dance and jig like you never have before, losing a shoe in the process. Suddenly, the earth shakes. Stevie and the piano begin to glow and levitate. You notice they appear to be molding into each other, forming a giant golden creature. What do they become?

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everythingkid asked: Stevie Wonder climbs out of his chocolatey prison. "Son, you have freed me from an eternity in that cocoa hell." He grabs your hand and leads you through the woods to a golden piano. "Please allow me to play for you. I will play absolutely any song you wish, new or old, in order to repay the debt that I now owe you." What song do you request?

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Pretty much.

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everythingkid asked: So, you are walking through the forest and you see a small, colorful box sitting on a slab of polished marble. You approach it to find that it is a delicious Wonder Ball. "Oh I remember these!" you exclaim. However, this Wonder Ball seems different, magical even. You quickly unwrap the chocolatey sphere and hold it proudly. You reach up slowly with your other hand and prepare to see what is inside. You crack it open and gaze in astonishment. What do you find inside?

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tyleroakley:

A+

A++

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Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

Comedian Emo Philips

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